I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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