i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
