But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Randomize
