I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
