is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
