I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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