Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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