And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
