Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Holy sore nipples Batman
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
