So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
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I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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