I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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