since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
