his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
