he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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