we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
