yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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