She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
