i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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