you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
