I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
