How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
