We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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