It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
