Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
false alarm, still single
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