im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize