Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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