Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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