Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You are the jesus of drinking
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
