Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
