Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
