i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.