wanna go halves on a baby?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
