its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
