i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sext me about skeletons
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
