If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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