What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
