Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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