everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
