Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
