Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
