She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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