I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
