I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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