Non-Jews are for practice
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
