So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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