I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
