We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
