She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
