hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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