Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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