saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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