Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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