like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
