Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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