Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
