Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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