I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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