remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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