I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
