so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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