if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
