: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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