on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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