been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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