I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
