go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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