Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
