I hate all girls vehemently.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
