can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
